Silly Season in the Hinterland

Thank goodness the political silly season has come to an end for another four years. That means our fellow resident can plan his campaign for 2017. He’s already started with some of the more important details, like what to call himself.

You see, out here in the hinterland, it’s possible to call yourself pretty much anything you want for the purpose of an election, whether it’s your legal name, or a name you are known by, or even an abbreviation of the name on your birth certificate, or not. “Or not” means a delicious array of mouth-watering possibilities. It’s enough to make anyone want to run, just for the heck of it.

Here are some of the names he has come up with so far:

1. He who cannot be named.

2. The candidate formerly known as he who cannot be named. This would involve using a bunch of symbols, and yes it was inspired by the artist formerly known as “Prince”.

3. Rikki (the mongoose) Tikki-Tavi. He’s leaning toward this one for a number of reasons. One is that it is a pretty cool name, and quite memorable, too. It’s been around since 1894. It stands the test of time.

An even better reason is that the Hinterland Electoral Act allows it. If people can use silly names, not even legal ones, on the official ballots, why can’t a mongoose? If people can put things in brackets, so can a mongoose. People can, people do. So, you could find yourself marking your “X” beside “John (vote for me) Smith”, or “John (don’t vote for the other guy) Smith”, or even “John (I’m related to someone) Smith”. It can happen. It did happen.

Next time around you could well find yourself voting for Rikki (the mongoose) Tikki-Tavi. Never one to let a good opportunity pass him by, Rikki likes to “carpe diem” on a regular basis. He’s already started with the basics like getting a free email account for his future campaign website. This is where he is running into trouble. You see, free email accounts don’t let people or mongooses (mongeese?) enter “1894” as a birthdate. They also don’t let mongoose (mongi?) have an email account without a cellphone number. And worst of all, they think there’s some problem with a mongoose saying that he is from India, when the account data is not being entered from India. Who do they think they are? Don’t they know that a mongoose is not capable of using a keyboard, and must have his personal secretary do it? Don’t they know that it would be absurd for a mongoose to carry a cellphone, if he even knew what one was? And don’t they know that a mongoose can live forever in literature? Sheesh. Some people!

But then what does Rikki (the mongoose) Tikki-Tavi expect from people? I can tell you one thing he does expect. He expects that no one will pay attention to this delightful little quirk by the time the next election rolls around. He expects that he will run for office and win, based on brand recognition alone. He has no intention of knocking on doors, or delivering pamphlets or any of that other stuff. He won’t even bother with campaign signs, campaign signs with little flags, knocking down other people’s campaign signs, or loading them onto a truck and stealing them. It’s too much work for a super-senior member of the fictional animal world, anyways.

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