The redridinghoods caught up with some old neighbors recently. Let’s get one thing straight right off the bat: “caught up with” does not mean the same thing as “caught”. No one was running, and no one ran away. No one was captured, or arrested, or taken away in a police car, or anything of the sort. None of this happened in broad daylight, nor in the middle of the night, but in the “evening”, that state of in-between. These are technical details to remember because today’s topic is the block party. Again.
These former neighbors had attended the block party in the past. One day, they up and moved suddenly. Yes, it was a few weeks before the annual block party. I’m not saying that these two events were related, even though some people might twist the telling of this tale to make it appear so.
Speaking of Gladys Kravitz 1 (and her soul sister, Gladys Kravitz 2), we happened to mention our encounter at the block party. “Don’t talk to her!” was the instant response from the happily-resettled and living-in-anonymity ex-neighbors. “Too late, we already did,” was the response to the response.
Life is a series of moving on from past mistakes. Naturally, the ‘hoods turned to TV for its infinite wisdom and answers to all life’s questions. Nobody’s perfect. Well, nobody except for one person. And so it was that the redridinghoods came to realize that the only perfect person is “Church Lady”. GK1 and GK2 are church ladies. It all started to make sense. They’re spreading the gossip, not spreading the gospel. They are holier than thou. They’ll lambaste you with your (real or imagined) sins up one side and down your back side. It’s the Gossip According to the Gladyses. It’s true because they said so.
I’m starting to think the Ford brothers (http://www.sunnewsnetwork.ca/sunnews/straighttalk/archives/2013/11/20131114-120008.html) could learn a thing or two about keeping the story straight from the GKs in our ‘hood. They are pretty special, all of them.